Another Year Older

Yes, that's right,...I had a birthday this past week. I'm not one of those people who dreads my birthday, but I'm also not one who really makes a big deal about it. It's another year, and I know each year is what I make it. What does continue to amaze me is how quickly the time goes by the older I get, and...I wish it would slow down.

You see, I realize that if the next forty-eight years of my life go by as quickly as the first ones have, there's a good chance I won't be around for much longer. I also realize that, aside from biology, I am only a mixture of my experiences. The things I think and feel will all pass away when I do. The things I worry about now, and sometimes lose sleep over, won't matter anymore. I won't matter anymore.

It's something to think about. I don't mean it in a depressing, sad way. I just mean it in an honest way, as a way of keeping myself in check as I go through life.

I suppose that is why I treasure every moment and soak up my surroundings. It's why I love to travel and experience things and always want to linger in a moment longer than most people. I am always aware that, even if you try to recreate it, you can never experience the same moment twice. Once it has gone, it's gone. Forever.

Knowing I'll never experience the same moment twice is also why I love the way I love. If I truly love you, you know it. If I don't, well,...you know that, too,...and not because I would ever intentionally be mean to someone. It isn't in the things I say, it's in the things I don't say. The people who know me best know this about me. I don't say things I don't mean, don't give cards that declare things I don't really feel, and don't tell you I love you (or like you) if I don't. Life is too short for shallow words and lukewarm sentiments, don't you think?

So, here I am - another year older. The thing is,...I'm not sure I'm any wiser. I still tend to make the same mistakes, even when I'm aware enough to know it's a mistake before I do it. I still say more than I should (a problem I've had my entire life), and the one who is bothered most by all that I say...is me. I love too openly and with my whole heart, which only makes it easier for others to hurt me.

I've given that last one some thought, though, and decided I wouldn't change that part of me, even if I could. If I hardened my heart to protect it, I would be the one burdened with the weight of it inside of me...and that would never do.

Wait.

Maybe,...I've gained more wisdom in the last year than I thought...