"Actually, I'm Already Writing a Novel..."

From time to time, someone will tell me I should write a book. Sometimes, it's in jest. Most often, they're quite serious. How, you might ask, does such a statement come up in conversation? Well, I talk a lot (just in case you haven't picked up on that yet), and I do have a tendency to talk in story format. You know, using the basic plot diagram for fiction - even when the story I'm telling is true.

People say it for other reasons, as well. Some people like the way I talk, the way I...quip. I can be pretty quick-witted on a good day. I also love to people watch and imitate others in speech and body language. It's just something I've always done. I pay attention to the details of what makes people who they are. I also love to read, and I love words. I think it's important how you say things. I believe words have power, and the power of your words should be used wisely. I talk about books and words and tell stories, in general, quite a bit.

I guess when you mix all that stuff together and add in the rest of my personality, maybe I give off an air of...authoress? That's a nice thought (or a wishful one), don't you think? You see, when I get into one of my 'speeches' about words or a good book or how a good book could have been great book with a better editor, someone usually says I should just write my own book. I always smile when they say that. Sometimes, it's a weary smile. Sometimes, it's a knowing one. My verbal response to that statement, when I feel up to it, is usually, "Actually, I'm already writing a novel..."

Truth is, I've been writing a book for the past few years, and I wrote it in my head long before I ever clicked the first letter on my keyboard. I love my book. It is fiction, but the characters are very close and personal to my heart. I know every movement of their faces, every expression. I know how every word sounds when they speak to one another. I know their disappointments and their joys. I know their hopes and dreams...

And I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever actually finish the novel.

I wonder, how will I ever be able to write an ending I'm happy with? I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to look at a final draft and say, "Yes, this is it. I'm done. It's exactly what I want to say. It is the story I've always wanted to tell the rest of the world."

It is a story I want to tell. Actually, it's a story my heart needs to tell. You see, my brain gives words to the story my soul already knows,...and my brain is my harshest critic. And, so, I keep writing and hope that one day my heart and mind agree they're both happy with the end result.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." ~ Maya Angelou